Mitch The Minister

(201) 410-6834 


Writing your own vows?

 I never require a couple to write their own vows.  It's a tough job. Who needs that  kind of pressure? First of all...........Don't Panic! 
If you have the dream of saying those special words to your husband or wife, GO FOR IT!  Talk it over with your soon-to-be spouse.  If you  have a burning desire to write your own vows - great!
Next:  I can give you some suggestions on where to start.  It's a 'once in a lifetime'  moment when you can say what's in your heart.  

If you'd like to try something different, look below.
Another interesting idea:   How about writing Love Letters to each other? Not everyone finds it easy to put their feelings on paper, and some couple just want to keep it simple and just repeat after me. Relax and take a deep breath.  I know it’s intimidating… but imagine writing your own wedding vows, or Love Letters, with promises that come from your heart.

Establish an estimated length.   Your friends and family will find it silly if one of you rambles for twenty minutes while the other says 10 words!  I advise that you both agree to limit your vows to either one or two index cards and your Love Letters to a Hallmark sized card.  They do not have to be formal vows.   They don't even need to be mushy or serious.   They need to be from your heart. Sit down and write a love letter. Like people used to do. In the olden days. Before computers and text messages.  

Start with:  Dear Wife,   (don't forget to bring your Love letters to the ceremony.)

Raquel and Chris wrote their own vows. They made each other cry. :)  Actually....everyone cried. 

What to Say?
Suffering from a case of writer’s block?  To get you started—here are some useful ideas and resources to spark your creativity and get the creative juices flowing:

"You and you alone make me feel that I am alive.  Other men, it is said, have seen angels, but I have seen thee and those are enough" - George Moore

 "Love doesn't sit there like a stone.  It has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new."  - Ursula K. Le Guin

 "Marriage: If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently.  You shield it and protect it.  You never abuse it.  You don't expose it to the elements.  You don't make it common or ordinary.  If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new.  It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as times goes by"  - F. Burton Howard.

 "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin

 "Sometimes I do wake up in the mornings and feel like I've just had the most incredible dream.  I've just dreamt my life." Richard Granson

 "To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever". Henry Drummond

Or Take a Trip Down Memory Lane:
Start jotting down the details of your special firsts - first meeting, first date, first kiss, first "I love you"...
What qualities made you fall in love in the first place.  "You make me feel..."
Talk about your future together. What do you look forward to doing?
"You complete me"   Ok, I know it's from a movie, but there's a reason for it's being so popular.  How does he/she make you a better person?

Compile your notes, memories and reflections and begin turning those notes into sentences that talk about your relationship—first meeting, first date, first kiss, first “I love you,” What qualities made you fall in love in the first place? Are there special milestones in your relationship that have helped bring you here today?

I was interviewed for an article in New Jersey Bride Magazine about writing your own vows.

By Patricia Koch

You’ve fallen in love. Now try putting that magical connection into words to explain why you belong together forever. Original vows can be the centerpiece of an especially memorable ceremony. 

That’s why New Jersey couples—as many as 40 percent of them, according to officiants we spoke with—are writing their own.  If you’re game, here are some expert tips: Speak from your heart.  “When couples prefer personal sentiment to pre-packaged words, I suggest they tap into their feelings,  stay under fifty words, and avoid the words ‘honor’ and ‘obey,’” says Mitchell Maged – MitchTheMinister (201-410-6834). 

“I advise brides and grooms to write five or six sentences from their hearts to reflect the openness and permanence of their relationship,” adds Father Vince Corso (973-571-0053).
In her book, 1000 Best Secrets for your Perfect Wedding, New Jersey Bride contributing writer and author Sharon Naylor suggests using a love letter or diary entry that reflects “what you find most important in each other, in your partnership, in marriage, and in love universally.” There’s no right or wrong way. Couples have exchanged one set of vows, surprised each other with totally different vows, even had one speak traditional vows and the other original ones.

 In all cases, they were officially married. Don’t memorize. Spare your nerves and read your vows—or repeat them after an officiant. “Vows come at the emotional height of the ceremony, when you’re ready to explode,” Mitchell counsels. “So my couples write them on index cards to read when the time comes. I ask them to keep these vows secret from each other, so they’re fresh for the ceremony.” Stick with tradition. There’s nothing wrong with traditional vows; couples have been tying the knot with them for generations.

As Father Vince tells us, “Some couples feel connected to grandparents and parents by saying traditional ‘I dos.’ Old or new vows don’t measure a marriage. These couples have already pledged themselves to one another. This is simply the public proclamation of something that’s been in their hearts for a long time.”

 Even so, there’s something magical about phrasing your mutual love in your own words. When couples do, Mitchell claims, “It’s like I’m not really marrying them; they’re marrying each other. I always suggest they save their personal vows.  On their first anniversary, go out for a nice romantic dinner and re-read them to each other. It’s very romantic.”