Mitch The Minister
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Writing your own vows?

 I never require a couple to write their own vows.  It's a tough job. Who needs that  kind of pressure? First of all...........Don't Panic! 
If you have the dream of saying those special words to your husband or wife, GO FOR IT!  Talk it over with your soon-to-be spouse.  If you  have a burning desire to write your own vows - great!
Next:  I can give you some suggestions on where to start.  It's a 'once in a lifetime'  moment when you can say what's in your heart.  


If you'd like to try something different, look below.
Another interesting idea:   How about writing Love Letters to each other? Not everyone finds it easy to put their feelings on paper, and some couple just want to keep it simple and just repeat after me. Relax and take a deep breath.  I know it’s intimidating… but imagine writing your own wedding vows, or Love Letters, with promises that come from your heart.



Establish an estimated length.   Your friends and family will find it silly if one of you rambles for twenty minutes while the other says 10 words!  I advise that you both agree to limit your vows to either one or two index cards and your Love Letters to a Hallmark sized card.  They do not have to be formal vows.   They don't even need to be mushy or serious.   They need to be from your heart. Sit down and write a love letter. Like people used to do. In the olden days. Before computers and text messages.  

Start with:  Dear Wife... What to Say?

Here are some great ideas.    Borrow, steal or reword them if you like:

"I promise to love and care for you, and I will try in every way to be worthy of your love.  I will always be honest with you, kind, patient and forgiving.
I promise to try to be on time.
But most of all, I promise to be a true and loyal friend to you.
I love you."

"You are my lover and my teacher,  You are my model and my accomplice,
And you are my true counterpart.  I will love you, hold you and honor you,
I will respect you, encourage you and cherish you, 
In health and sickness,  Through sorrow and success,
For all the days of my life."

"I promise to be your lover, companion and friend,
Your partner in parenthood, Your ally in conflict,
Your greatest fan and your toughest adversary.
Your comrade in adventure, Your student and your teacher,
Your consolation in disappointment, Your accomplice in mischief.
This is my sacred vow to you, my equal in all things. All things."

"I take you to be my partner for life,
I promise above all else to live in truth with you
And to communicate fully and fearlessly,
I give you my hand and my heart
As a sanctuary of warmth and peace
And pledge my love, devotion, faith and honor
As I join my life to yours."

"On this day, I give you my heart,  My promise, that I will walk with you,
Hand in hand, Wherever our journey leads us,
Living, learning, loving,  Together,   Forever."

"I believe in you, the person you will grow to be and the couple we will be together.
With my whole heart, I take you as my wife/husband, acknowledging and accepting your faults and strengths, as you do mine.
I promise to be faithful and supportive and to always make our family's love and happiness my priority. I will be yours in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph.  I will dream with you, celebrate with you and walk beside you through whatever our lives may bring.
You are my person—my love and my life, today and always."

"I promise to encourage your compassion,
Because that is what makes you unique and wonderful.
I promise to nurture your dreams,
Because through them your soul shines.
I promise to help shoulder our challenges,
For there is nothing we cannot face if we stand together.
I promise to be your partner in all things,
Not possessing you, but working with you as a part of the whole.
Lastly, I promise to you perfect love and perfect trust,
For one lifetime with you could never be enough.
This is my sacred vow to you, my equal in all things."

"You have been my best friend, mentor, playmate, confidant and my greatest challenge.    But most importantly, you are the love of my life and you make me happier than I could ever imagine and more loved than I ever thought possible...
You have made me a better person, as our love for one another is reflected in the way I live my life.
So I am truly blessed to be a part of your life, which as of today becomes our life together."

"I remember once how I told you I did not believe in soul mates. I will never forget your reaction.  Shocked and a little hurt that I did not think we were. But as time went by, your love made me believe."

"I promise to comfort you when the Falcons lose and drink beer with you when they win."

"You know me better than anyone else in this world and somehow still you manage to love me.
You are my best friend and one true love. There is still a part of me today that cannot believe that I'm the one who gets to marry you."

"I will, in good times and bad, cheer for the Tar Heels."

"I promise to buy taller shoes so you can wear heels."

"I feel truly blessed because I've found a love that transcends and grows, despite state lines, early morning commutes, barking beagles and conflicting seasons."

"I see these vows not as promises but as privileges: I get to laugh with you and cry with you; care for you and share with you. I get to run with you and walk with you; build with you and live with you."

"The feeling hit me the moment we made eye contact in class. It was so immediate and powerful—far deeper and inexplicably beyond any calculation of time and place. You don't describe a feeling like that. You also can't replicate it or force it. You just let it flow in and around you. You go where it takes you."

"I promise faithfulness and patience, respect and lightheartedness, attentiveness and self-improvement. I will celebrate your triumphs, and love you all the more for your failures."

"Our open attitude toward finding adventure together in life is something that I cherish. I love it even more when those great experiences take the form of us making up a home-cooked meal together with a lot of great wine and music. I would marry you for your risotto alone!"

"I call you 'My Megan' because you are my everything. You are my light, and you've shown me more love than I've ever known."

"I promise to hold your hand every night and to never let us lose our spark."

"I've always had goals, aspirations, things I wanted to do. But when I met you, I learned what it was to dream. You dreamed of traveling, but not just out of the state; you dreamed of visiting Spain, Italy and places I've only read about. I've learned to dream of the things I deserve."

"I vow to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share in the silence when they are not."

"Until today, the day that I told you I loved you, the day that I knew I was going to marry you, that was the best day of my life."

"I promise to be your navigator, consoler, sidekick, best friend and your husband. Finally, I promise you myself."

"In sickness and in health: I promise to take care of you, even when you've over-indulged the night before. For richer or for poorer: I promise not to spend all our money at Nordstrom.

Or Take a Trip Down Memory Lane:
Start jotting down the details of your special firsts - first meeting, first date, first kiss, first "I love you"...
What qualities made you fall in love in the first place.  "You make me feel..."
Talk about your future together. What do you look forward to doing?
"You complete me"   Ok, I know it's from a movie, but there's a reason for it's being so popular.  How does he/she make you a better person?

Compile your notes, memories and reflections and begin turning those notes into sentences that talk about your relationship—first meeting, first date, first kiss, first “I love you,” What qualities made you fall in love in the first place? Are there special milestones in your relationship that have helped bring you here today?

I was interviewed for an article in New Jersey Bride Magazine about writing your own vows.


By Patricia Koch


You’ve fallen in love. Now try putting that magical connection into words to explain why you belong together forever. Original vows can be the centerpiece of an especially memorable ceremony. 

That’s why New Jersey couples—as many as 40 percent of them, according to officiants we spoke with—are writing their own.  If you’re game, here are some expert tips: Speak from your heart.  “When couples prefer personal sentiment to pre-packaged words, I suggest they tap into their feelings,  stay under fifty words, and avoid the words ‘honor’ and ‘obey,’” says Mitchell Maged – MitchTheMinister (201-410-6834). 

“I advise brides and grooms to write five or six sentences from their hearts to reflect the openness and permanence of their relationship,” adds Father Vince Corso (973-571-0053).
In her book, 1000 Best Secrets for your Perfect Wedding, New Jersey Bride contributing writer and author Sharon Naylor suggests using a love letter or diary entry that reflects “what you find most important in each other, in your partnership, in marriage, and in love universally.” There’s no right or wrong way. Couples have exchanged one set of vows, surprised each other with totally different vows, even had one speak traditional vows and the other original ones.

 In all cases, they were officially married. Don’t memorize. Spare your nerves and read your vows—or repeat them after an officiant. “Vows come at the emotional height of the ceremony, when you’re ready to explode,” Mitchell counsels. “So my couples write them on index cards to read when the time comes. I ask them to keep these vows secret from each other, so they’re fresh for the ceremony.” Stick with tradition. There’s nothing wrong with traditional vows; couples have been tying the knot with them for generations.

As Father Vince tells us, “Some couples feel connected to grandparents and parents by saying traditional ‘I dos.’ Old or new vows don’t measure a marriage. These couples have already pledged themselves to one another. This is simply the public proclamation of something that’s been in their hearts for a long time.”

 Even so, there’s something magical about phrasing your mutual love in your own words. When couples do, Mitchell claims, “It’s like I’m not really marrying them; they’re marrying each other. I always suggest they save their personal vows.  On their first anniversary, go out for a nice romantic dinner and re-read them to each other. It’s very romantic.”