Thinking about writing your own vows?
While some couples want to write their own vows, many couples find this option scary. Some couples want to combine reading personal vows with the tradition of repeating vows after me. Many couples are intrigued by the idea of creating vows, but don't know where to start. If you have the burning desire to write your own vows - great. I can give you some suggestions on where to start. It's a moment when you can say what's in your heart.
Not everyone finds it easy to put their feelings on paper, and some couple just want to keep it simple and repeat after me.
It’s definitely an ambitious undertaking. Not only must you determine the perfect words to say, but those words must be rehearsed and recited in front of your closest family and friends on a day that will be one of the most important of your life. Relax and take a deep breath. I know it’s intimidating… but imagine writing your own wedding vows with promises from the heart. That incentive will make the task worthwhile.
Establish an estimated length.
Your friends and family will find it odd and even silly if one of you rambles for 5 minutes will the other says 10 words. I advise that you use the rule of “one index card"
Review them in front of someone else.
You can rehearse with each other, or if you’d rather keep them a surprise, read your vows to a trusted loved one. Bring your card to the ceremony and give it to me. I’ll hand them to you at the appropriate moment to share with your spouse and your guests.
Wedding Vows - What to Say?
Suffering from a case of writer’s block? To get you started—here are some useful ideas and resources to spark your creativity.
Time for a trip down memory lane.
Start jotting down the details of special firsts in your relationship—first meeting, first date, first kiss, first “I love you,” etc. What qualities made you fall in love in the first place? Are there special milestones in your relationship that that have helped bring you here today?
Talk about your future together.
What challenges and achievements to you foresee in the future, and how do you expect to meet those things together?
“You Complete Me”
Sure, I know, it’s a line from a movie—but there’s a reason for its now cliche status. What characteristics does he/she bring out in you? How does he/she make you a better person?
Use the right words. Compile your notes, memories and reflections, and begin turning words into sentences, and finally sentences into wedding vows. Some words to get you started: love, trust, support, strength, encourage, respect, cherish, admire, value, commit, pledge and promise.
I was interviewed for an article in New Jersey Bride Magazine about writing your own vows.
As seen in
WRITING YOUR OWN ORIGINAL VOWS
By Patricia Koch
You’ve fallen in love. Now try putting that magical connection into words to explain why you belong together forever. Original vows can be the centerpiece of an especially memorable ceremony.
That’s why
In her book, 1000 Best Secrets for your Perfect Wedding, New Jersey Bride contributing writer and author Sharon Naylor suggests using a love letter or diary entry that reflects “what you find most important in each other, in your partnership, in marriage, and in love universally.”
There’s no right or wrong way. Couples have exchanged one set of vows, surprised each other with totally different vows, even had one speak traditional vows and the other original ones. In all cases, they were officially married.
Don’t memorize. Spare your nerves and read your vows—or repeat them after an officiant. “Vows come at the emotional height of the ceremony, when you’re ready to explode,” Mitchell counsels. “So my couples write them on index cards to read when the time comes. I ask them to keep these vows secret from each other, so they’re fresh for the ceremony.”
Stick with tradition. There’s nothing wrong with traditional vows; couples have been tying the knot with them for generations. As Father Vince tells us, “Some couples feel connected to grandparents and parents by saying traditional ‘I dos.’ Old or new vows don’t measure a marriage. These couples have already pledged themselves to one another. This is simply the public proclamation of something that’s been in their hearts for a long time.”
Even so, there’s something magical about phrasing your mutual love in your own words. When couples do, Mitchell claims, “It’s like I’m not really marrying them; they’re marrying each other. I always suggest they tuck away their vows to re-read on their first anniversary. It’s very romantic.”
or call me at 201-410-6834 or